May 2013
5 posts
5 tags
I love men in bits and pieces but I have yet to find one I have loved as a whole.
The first guy I ever loved was tall and set a preference in me for obnoxiously tall guys. I’m a small girl and I love my men to tower over me, because of him. I spent all my time around him, I teased him mercilessly, but I was also sweet on him and treated him nicer than any other person around. I rubbed his...
1 tag
In the darkness there’s always been a star or two that gave me hope. When things were at their worse I would lose sight or they flicker dimly…but I would always find them and look to them to find my way back to the light…
Lately my stars have been fading and I can’t find them or my way out. They’ve left me alone on this road to nowhere, there’s no end in sight.
7 tags
When I cut myself the wounds just look like stretch marks so it’s not a big deal. My body has been tearing itself apart way before I ever consciously did…
1 tag
I just want to curl up and disappear.
I want my mom. I want someone to rub my back and give me the hope that I can’t give to myself.
3 tags
I always knew becoming an adult would be sad. I knew this…but confirmed it when I was eight going on nine. My uncle was sad. Then one day, my uncle was gone.
He didn’t answer the door when we got home…and then when my grandma got home and let us in, I ran to see him and tease him about not hearing the bell or our knocks.
He was there.
The ambulance came.
He was gone....
April 2013
4 posts
reblog if you have ever self harmed, starved...
t-angy:
now check your inbox.
I’ll be turning 27 this year…I never thought I’d make it this far. But the way I feel lately I don’t know that I’ll make it to see the end of this year.
1 tag
I’ve lost my appetite again…hopefully I’ll just shrivel up and die this time.
“If you’re struggling, you deserve to make self-care a priority. Whether that...”
– Daniell Koepke (via internal-acceptance-movement)
March 2013
1 post
2 tags
Things I’ve learned in life:
#2. People are a disappointment. Be a recluse.
December 2012
15 posts
“In this world, there are things you can only do alone, and things you can only...”
– Haruki Murakami, After Dark (via rainier)
3 tags
Nobody, my age seems to have the issues I do…which makes this all that much worse. I thought I would out grow so many of the things that have followed me since my teens…but now I’m 26, I still self harm, I’m awkward, shy, introverted, binge eat, have major depression and thoughts of suicide.
And there’s no one I can talk to.
I’m still waiting…to out...
3 tags
I like the winter…because I get to wear long sleeves and cover my shame. The scars that I don’t want to answer for, because I’m an adult that can’t cope with life…pathetic.
3 tags
I don’t have any issues with being alone…it’s really the only time I feel comfortable, but it’s this persistent feeling of loneliness that’s eating away at me. It’s always there, whether I’m surrounded by people I know and love or not.
I have no idea how to deal with this. In addition to the feelings of being numb and removed from everything. All I want...
“Perhaps most of all, though, you deserve to be okay. You deserve to know that a...”
– Chelsea Fagan (via bealightinthedark)
“Onwards and upwards, and never give your failures a second thought.”
– George Lois (via e-pic)
“I like the way the morning can be stormy and the afternoon clear and sparkly as...”
– Jeanette Winterson, The PowerBook (via helplesslyamazed)
1 tag
I don’t have anyone to talk to right now, that can understand how frustrating it is to me to feel so empty and detached.
lullabysounds:
It’s really weird thinking about how every person you walk by has a name and a personality and a group of friends you’ll never know and a messed up family or an awesome family or that they’re in love or that they’re depressed or are having the best or worst day of their life. There are a lot of people around and I’ll hardly know any of them.
“If only you could sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet;...”
– Fred Rogers (via kari-shma)
“And every day I’ll try
to do one thing I like,
in memory of being happy.”...”
– (via ahuntersheart)
“The joy the Stoics were interested in can best be described as a kind of...”
– William B. Irvine | A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy (via blogut)
“How could I know you fit my body like a glove? You’re destroying me. You’re good...”
– Marguerite Duras (via nirvikalpa)
“It’s not alright if you are the one who always hurts, always cries, always...”
– I love you,
~~Acoustic Imagery~~
(via bealightinthedark)
November 2012
2 posts
3 tags
I fail to understand why I continue to talk to people and try to be around them when all they do is for one, not listen and two, piss me off. People make me irrationally angry and super irritated.
I’m pretty sure at this point, that it would be more productive and comforting to slam my face against a brick wall repeatedly.
1 tag
There is a part of me that hates you so much. But the part of me that thinks you’re incredible and wants you here is so much more profound.
…thanks a lot jerk.
October 2012
6 posts
“The greater the artist, the greater the doubt. Perfect confidence is granted to...”
– Robert Hughes (via likeafieldmouse)
“Sometimes I’d rather be a tree frog. I don’t think they fall asleep worried that...”
– (via fuckyeahstephenfry)
“I’m grateful for anything that reminds me of what’s possible in this life. Books...”
– Jonathan Safran Foer (via simply-quotes)
“I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a...”
– The Perks of Being A Wallflower (via fellatios)
1 tag
I was feeling good about all my plans and decisions to pick up the pieces to my worthless life. But…lately I’m not certain or excited about any of it. It all seems so impossible now, so I’m thinking that I was having a hypomanic episode and now I’m either leveling out or sinking low, I can’t tell yet.
I really wish I wasn’t myself sometimes…
September 2012
6 posts
2 tags
Aching for some Hemingway.
“Here I am trying to live, or rather, I am trying to teach the death within me...”
– Jean Cocteau
Going on two weeks now. I haven’t washed my hair. It feels and looks so gross but I don’t have the energy or anything to do it.
Whoever said talking helps is a fucking liar. I do okay until the moment I talk to someone and then the hollowness in my chest comes back. Then it spreads to my limbs and empties out my head. My ears are ringing now.
1 tag
Time to call it quits. You’re not worth my energy or time anymore.
Take care.
3 tags
I keep getting lectured about eating…it’s true I’ve lost some weight. I know that starving is bad for my health…especially since my diet is one of the triggers for my depression and anxiety. But I am still overweight so I don’t think there’s any reason to worry yet. My body has fuel to burn.
Circumstances as the are, I don’t have time or resources for...
August 2012
1 post
My suitcase and Theo still smell like my best friends’ apartment. So, my homesickness for NY is lingering heavy in the air.
July 2012
5 posts
“I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss,...”
– Walter Anderson (via internal-acceptance-movement)
“I can’t stand it to think my life is going so fast and I’m not really living it.”
– Ernest Hemingway (via saddest-summer)
3 tags
Lately I keep running into good looking guys, but I’m going through this bullshit depressive low so I look like a slightly tidied up hobo (I’m presentable enough for my job at the preschool, but that doesn’t mean that I have to not wear my holey ass Vans and jeans that have dried paint smeared all over them**) and have the social level of a child raised by wolves…but when...
“Sometimes it is necessary
To reteach a thing its loveliness.”
– Galway Kinnell (via wrists)
I relapsed yesterday…I’ve been stressed out and lost. I didn’t know what else to do! So, I cut…it was only one small cut, but it made it better for a little while. Feeling numb to life is so surreal, like your just floating around and you have no idea what the fuck for. I couldn’t feel my arms or legs and my chest felt hollow…I want to cry but couldn’t all...
June 2012
12 posts
“What a terrible thing it is to wound someone you really care for and to do it so...”
– Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood (via booksfrommyshelf)
“I will not wait to love as best as I can. We thought we were young and that...”
– Dave Eggers | submitted by strawberryrenae (via quote-book)
ambedo n. a kind of melacholic trance in which you become completely absorbed in vivid sensory details—raindrops skittering down a window, tall trees leaning in the wind, clouds of cream swirling in your coffee—which leads to a dawning awareness of the haunting fragility of life
“I sat on a gray stone bench
ringed with the ingenue faces
of pink and white...”
– Lisel Mueller, from “When I Am Asked” (via proustitute)
“One day, a long time from now you’ll cease to care anymore whom you please or...”
– J.D. Salinger (via 500daysofkissingmypillow) 